Gore Verbinski directed the film, for which three men received writing credit - Justin Haythe, and Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, a pair who wrote the first Shrek and Pirates movies. You hate to think that all anyone involved with this movie thought was Pirates! Pirates! Pirates!, and there you are thinking exactly that. You hate to watch a movie like this because its makers assume that the ideal audience enjoys being treated as if it were a packing peanut. You hate to watch a movie like The Lone Ranger if it makes a movie like World War Z seem profound, and it does. There’s money to spend and Johnny Depp to spend it on. It should not see the fraught historical relationship between Native Americans and white people as the perfect occasion to test a new theme-park ride. It should not spend a reported $250 million to feature a plot in which a railroad tycoon looks to bilk magnates of their millions. No 149-minute Western should feature more close-ups of timepieces than of horses or human beings. For it is awful and profligate, brainless and eternal, loud and cruel, a movie but not. And even though much of what there is to see here is handsome-looking - the mountainside horse trots the swinging, swooping crane shots the delicate balance of light from many sources, including the dental work of Armie Hammer - you hate to behold it. You often can’t see the makeup for the movie that contains it. The Tonto that Johnny Depp plays in The Lone Ranger is covered in hardened, cracking war paint.
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